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KING DONG or How I Nuked My Born-again Christian Father With 500-Million Volts Just to Earn My Right to Masturbate to a Picture of a Naked Woman Embracing a Big Black Nine-foot-long Gorilla Penis

a monologue by tj richter

Parts of this story may seem a bit wordy in print, but it is the wording I used in my live show. It reflects my natural spoken word rhythm and cadences, rather than a formal writing style.


Let me ask you, isn’t gossip the best? I mean, I love gossip. Gossip is the bomb, man. When you get that little piece of sensitive information about your neighbor, you can’t wait to go out and tell all your friends. Doesn’t that make your day?

I’ve got this one friend, she’s nineteen, and she lives in a house with a group of people. Her and her roomates, for fun, they raid each others stuff and go through their things. So this girl and her friend, are going through this other guy’s stuff, and they found underneath his bed (apparently he’s not that popular with ladies), but they found a pocket pussy underneath the bed (pause for crowd response). Awe man...that’s a fuckin’ 10.0 on the Richter scale, you know. I mean, pocket pussies are fuckin' awesome man! Then you gotta go out and tell all your friends. You kind of have fun with it and embellish it a little, “Well, it really was a dark-skinned pocket pussy with neon green public hair.” It just makes you so happy! (click here to read on)

by TJ Richter

© November 12th 1998 Theodore J. Richter


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