So there was no way that I was going to allow my dad to catch me masturbating. Nor was I going to give up the magazine. No fuckin' way!
Now most people, if they wanted the privacy to masturbate in, what would they do? They'd go down to their local hardware store, and buy a one of those bathroom door knobs. You know the type with the push-tab lock on it? Then install it on their bedroom door. But not me, I was a fifteen-year-old born-again loser who spent more time at Radio Shack than with girls, this is true. I loved Radio Shack. So what did I do to gain the privacy I needed to masturbate in? I built a 500-million volt born-again Christian masturbator deflector cattle-prod door knob, yea!
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| See I was really good in industrial arts and one day my electronics teacher, as a goof, taught us how the shocker circuit works in tasers and cattle prods, yea! Now, look at this transformer diagram: low voltage in with less windings creates expanding magnetic lines of flux that move across more windings and create high voltage out. |
| So all I did was go down to Radio Shack and bought one of those little buzzers with a 9 volt battery to create 9 volts of A.C., alternating current. Then I went to the Salvation Army, got a bunch of old radio's, and pulled the transformers out of them. Now your average radio works on 9 volts and the voltage coming out of the wall is 115 volts, so the transformer in there steps the voltage down by that ratio of 9 to 115. All I did was connect these transformers up in reverse so each one boosted the voltage up by that same ratio of 9 to 115. I hooked a bunch of them up in a row, or what electricians call in "series", which boosted the voltage up over and over again logritmicly... |
| ...so by the time I hooked up the seventh transformer, it's was kickin' out over 500-million volts! It's easy to do, it's true, anyone can do it.
This is all perfectly safe, because transformers only increase voltage not current. High current is what kills you, but high voltage just makes your muscles freak out and is very, very painful, like when you touch the spark plug wire on a lawn mower or sports utilitiy vechical, it'll give you a jolt that'll knock you on your ass. That's high voltage. But the current here remains the same, and the current coming out of a 9 volt battery is about 250 milli-amps and couldn't kill a fly. |
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