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worming squirming sperm-boy gang bang birth of man
video: . high . med . low

Live video improv performance on Freaky Deeky, History of Man episode, MTN 17 Minneapolis Public Access on August 8, 2010. Producer: Hamil Griffin Cassidy, Co-Producer & Visuals: Hal Schuler (Time Squid).

What is the ultimate blues song? It starts out in the womb before you are even born! When I think about all the pain & humiliation I've had to endure in this life, I should have never combined with that egg, I should have just turned around & swam away, SWOOSH!

For Freaky Deeky, I was inspired by Woody Allen's paratrooper sperm-man performance in, Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid To Ask), and wanted to bump up the drama-of-trauma to my own personal tragedy. Here, I'm a Woody Allen sperm-boy who rejects the egg to keep his own tail (LOL), singing the ultimate, pre-human in-the-womb blues, "I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE A HUMAN BEING!"

Writing for Freaky Deeky was a challenge because in addition to communicating a fantasy, the dialogue had to give stage directions to the cast. (Shh! It's a secret.) I wrote this a few days before the show and rehearsed it while driving to the studio. I had less than a minute to give stage directions the cast and crew, the rest is all video improv. My timing is way off from my quinolone seizure, I kept forgetting what I was doing, but I was totally in the squirting sperm-boy moment, and I think the video came out very cool.

The band, First Pube, did an kick-ass job improvising music live in the studio. Crank up the volume to hear them singing some really weird electro-soul, "Gang bang, give it to me...gonna sperm-sperm-sperm!"

Doing Freaky Deeky's "stress free video release" felt so good, like primal scream therapy swimming with pregnant dolphins, CLICK! CLICK! AH! Thank you Hal, Hami & all the Freaky Deeky video crew!


Squirming & worming sperm boys unite! Wiggle & trickle toward that lovely, inner-tube pearl-of-a-girl egg. She is lounging on a psychedelic, uterian video-graphic sea! Lounge peal-of-a-girl, lounge! "AH..." Now, sperm boys, CHARGE! Penetrate that egg. Chant, "I WANT IN! I WANT IN!" UH! UH!"

OH! I can't take no more! I am a Woody Allen sperm boy and I'm never gonna get in, I'm never going to get sh_t! I don't even want to be a human being, I WANT TO BE A SPERM-BOY & KEEP MY OWN TAIL! Dad, jerk me off into a pond please! I'm gonna to grow my own cock, & grow my own mouth, CHOMP! CHOMP! & be my own creature, YEA! Then, I'm gonna crawl out of that pond like some kind of humanoid polliwog frog, RIBET!

Oh my Goth! All the sperm boys are now penetrating that lovely, inner tube pearl-of-a-girl egg! Penetrate sperm-boys, penetrate! UH! UH! No sperm-boys, no! Only one sperm-boy in the egg, please! UH! UH! It's is a Freaky Deeky multi-sperm boy gang bang, BANG! This is unnatural! This is against nature! THIS IS THE FREAKY DEEKY SPERM-BOY BIRTH OF MAN!


"TJ...You are a magical thunder wind of awesome spectaculasticity!!!! Thank you so many millions for your enthusiasm, wisdom, and freestyle funtasia!"

– Hal Schuler (Time Squid), Co-Producer/Visuals, Freaky Deeky Television Show, MTN 17 Minneapolis Public Access

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