ABRASION STATION #11

THE NITROUS OXIDE BLACK-WIDOW SPIDER FOOD STAMP CHAMP VAMPS

Sure, everyone needs a helping hand once and a while, and everyone’s a democrat until they get robbed. Or perhaps, in this case, we should say conned. Throughout antiquity vampires have always existed, and they’re not always out for blood. Picture Elvira as a pregnant, dark-wave welfare mother trading food stamps in for canisters of nitrous oxide, and you get the idea. For them the world is one big “FREE-FOR-ALL!” of food stamps, welfare checks and free hand-outs. At rave parties these vampires take on a slightly different form. Candy-girls made of sugar and spice and everything nice on the outside, but inside, ungrateful little gargoyles of giggling greed, “TEE HEE HEE!” and they’re oh so cute. Like black-widow spiders they descend upon you with sob-stories, spinning wobbly little webs of wanton woe, “My best friend just borrowed her mother’s car and...uh, we ran out of gas and...uh, I’m rollin’ right now and SO VERY THIRSTY...can I have a bottle of your water...PLEASE?” Pretty please with sugar and a boob flattening hug on top...Ya right! A bottle of water, an e-pill, a no-return five dollar loan, it all might as well be FOOD STAMPS. To these devious little darlings of delirious deception we offer the Drop Bass Network food stamps, take one for a nice surprise, because they are, like this event, “free for all.”

by TJ Richter

© August 8, 2000 Theodore J. Richter